Tantric teachings on how to love in relationship

Iris Disse - my incredible tantra teacher - recently gave a small circle of women a talk on how to love in relationships @durgastigerschool 

It was such an ah-ha moment for me. 

I would summarise it like this: love in relationship is about giving everything away and then taking your power back. Over and over again. 

The way I love is intense. Always has been. Everything I do is intense. The card I pulled for my tantra yoga teacher training was ‘intensity’. 🙄 

When I love, there is no armour around my heart. None. I can surrender to the experience of love pouring through me. Bliss therefore feels easily accessible to me. 

In this open-heartedness, I feel that I can experience divinity in my human condition.

But is there a risk in being this open-hearted? Yes. 

Can I give away too much? Yes. I have historically. I have compromised far too much in previous relationships. I have lost myself. But I am learning. 

Friends and family are always cautioning me to be careful, to be realistic, to be sensible. I listen, and thank them deeply for caring for me. But I don’t want to love carefully, realistically, or sensibly. 

I love with my whole, messy, wild, intense heart. 

It’s love with every bloody cell in my body. 

It’s love with everything I have got. 

It’s love like I might die tomorrow. 

It’s love like a child reading poetry. 

Love like I’ve never felt heart break. 

Love like I am singing from the top of my lungs. 

Love like I’m a hot sweating mess on the dance floor. 

Love on full fucking volume. 

BUT I am practising taking my power back again. So I remain on my own throne. Again and again. 

At my tantra training, we learnt exercises as to how to do this (e.g. sealing womb energy), which I’ve been practising, and I feel have been working. 

I love infinitely with every drop of blood in my body. I give it all away. But I take it all back again. And then repeat and repeat. 

And if something doesn’t feel right, I listen. It’s as simple as that. 

This rhythm of giving your whole heart away and then calling your power back makes so much sense. 

Why? Because it’s the glorious rhythm of life itself. Of course. 

Open. Close. 

Energy goes. Energy comes. 

Live. Die. 

Expand. Contract. 

Inhale. Exhale. 

Life stops working if this pattern gets stuck somewhere. 

Rumi said that when the pen tries to write about love, it breaks. Haha. Such wisdom. So this is clearly an unwise thing to do but here is my starter for ten for drafting up an equation for how to love in relationship:

Love your king on full fucking volume + always take your power back to remain seated on your queen throne = healthy beautiful loving relationship.